I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
