I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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