I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize