We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
