just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize