I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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