I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize