Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
