But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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