if only i could text you this smell
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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