Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
