A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
