it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
