After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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