South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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