so that wasnt chicken after all
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
