they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
