Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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