His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
