Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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