Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
