I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
