I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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