she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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