sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
