He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
