Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
