watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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