You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize