Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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