please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
