we have pet lesbian snakes
My liver just broke up with me...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
