when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
