I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
