I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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