So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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