Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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