You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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