you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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