I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
