I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
