you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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