Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
