We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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