some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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