I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
