He is an equal opportunity slut.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
