She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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