Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
