I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
