Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
