He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize