I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
