he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
