Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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