My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
