If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
