There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
